Notes on pain and survival

I had begun to limp due to a life sized pimple which was full of pus. Oh God, the pain was excruciating. I couldn’t eat properly, neither could I sleep independently. I couldn’t sleep on thr left part of my body. At times, I wish I could just crumble up and die. When you are sick, people come up with countable remedies and interestingly nothing works. Bhavna insisted on how I should apply ‘ghee’ on the swollen area and I just went with it. There was no change. I gave up on everything. My uncle tried his best to force out the pus but failed miserably. It only worsened my condition. I missed school for a week. Those days, I couldn’t even think properly. Whenever I tried to do something, the pain would divert my attention. I ran a fever with severe headaches and what not. Then, it was a saturday night. My father finally took me to a doctor who lived in the neighborhood. The doctor was somwhat shocked to see the ugly looking abscess on my abdomen. Yes, it was something called abscess. It was worse than a pimple. I instantly shivered after knowing that I needed immediate medical care. So my father took me to the nearest hospital. I must say, hospitals are sad, miserable places. Nothing feels right in a hospital. The food tastes stale, the beds smell like diseases and the people have nothing but sad stories to tell. One could get sick just by looking into their distraught eyes. And since it’s India, we can say that nobody gives a fuck about hygiene. There was commotion in the casualty area. As my father filled a form, I saw a guy sobbing due to a dislocated ankle limping towards a bed. His friend was looking equally scared who supported the injured guy holding him by his arms. We heard that there was an explosion somewhere so we were expecting more patients in the coming hour. 

After ten minutes or so, I was moved onto a secluded area and was put on a bed. There was a guy resting on the opposite bed who was in a same condition as mine. He had an abscess on his left under arm. I thought about how effortlessly I’d rest like this after some minutes. A nurse came by and quickly anesthetized me. Three quick injections on my abdomen and butt; I was out. I couldn’t feel the middle part of my body. It was as if I had been cut down from the torso yet having life in my legs. Then she put some cotton on my abscess and applied some kind of acid (don’t remember which). The acid found it’s way to my back and it burned like hell. I screamed like a kid whose ice cream cone had just fallen onto the ground. I was calmed by my father. I found peace after some moments. Then, a man came with some instruments in his hands. All this time, I wasn’t able to look down. I just cast my eyes on to the ceiling. I felt something going inside my skin and in moments I heard my father. I have an idea about how the sight must have been for he was astonished. All the pus coming out along with the blood. I mustered minimal pain even though I was anesthetized. The man pressed on my abdomen and more crap came out. All this time, I grabbed my father’s hand like I had never before. He assured me that everything was fine now. The nurse came back and started sticking a bandage on the area for it to dry. The area wasn’t sewed though. They all went out of the room including my father. I looked down on my abdomen and cried. I’ve never cried like that before. I didn’t make any sounds. The tears just flowed out too easily. I couldn’t tell if I was relieved or just learning how blessed I was to feel all of this. I was letting go of all my agony and fears with the help of the rather emotional tears. I looked down on the dustbin to see the pus that was inside me just a few minutes ago. I never thought this could bring me so much pain. I wish my enemies don’t get absecesses ever. I could feel life tip toeing into me. I was unshackled even though I was dressed with a huge bandage. I walked out of the hospital like a convict who was released out of prison for good behavior. 

I went back home. Now that I could walk, eat and sleep properly I went back to school the next morning. Oh, How I slept that night!

Well, now I am still in pain. My body is aching for unknown reasons. I couldn’t go to school today. My bones are weak and so are my nerves. My head feels like a finger which got stuck in between a car door. See how we deal with sickness and diseases, maybe we don’t die due to these all the time. We die once and that’s all we get. As human beings, we learn to survive. Walter White survived cancer with much needed motivation from a hectic criminal life and family. It’s all about how you endure pain with a never say die attitude and miraculous energy. We could just believe in ourselves when everything seems wrong. Always know that pain brings out the best in people. It doesn’t make you weak. Sickness makes you ready for bigger tests in life. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Well, you knew that already.

Not related but you will get it.


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